


I Stared into A Silent Abyss

by zanzibaristhecaptain



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alien Culture, Cultural Differences, Friends to Lovers, Interspecies Relationship(s), M/M, Pon Farr, Slow Build, Space Husbands
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:19:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6950344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zanzibaristhecaptain/pseuds/zanzibaristhecaptain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James T. Kirk and his First Officer, Spock, have always had a friendship that defies exceptions. However, with a sudden change in his friend's behavior, Kirk begins to worry something more is amiss and is set to remedy it. The only problem? Spock is dealing with the Vulcan trait of 'Pon Farr' which sends him into a violent and crazed temper due to his basic instinct to seek out a 'mate'... of sorts. This downward spiral of emotions are zoned in on Kirk as he is the closest thing Spock has to any real relationship. So while one seeks to hide his true emotions, the other works to find him out, undeterred by the cloud of differences between their two species and cultures.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Your Temper Shows

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all! Thank you for clicking on my story! If you are stopping by here because you're wondering WTF is going on with 'Take What You Will'- be rest assured! I am still working on it but due to it's rather dark and heavy nature I am taking more time to make sure it works out in a way that is satisfactory to me. In the meantime, please enjoy this new series I am starting with my other favorite space couple!  
> As usual, all of my stories are un-beated, therefore making all mistakes my own. 
> 
> P.S- You can find me on Tumblr! Search for- zanzibaristhecaptain and you'll find me. Feel free to come on by and ask some questions, talk about life or whatever, or simply check out all the nerdy things I repost. 
> 
> ~~~

If taking command of a Starship- being it’s captain for five years- wasn’t enough to make any man (human or otherwise) trust James T. Kirk, then they must have not been paying attention. Their main voyage, which started all those years ago, has been filled with losses and gains, friendships made and destroyed and enemies created and forgiven. Each action was the direct effect of Captain Kirk. 

The crew of the ship Enterprise held a fierce and un-bending loyalty to their rather famous commander. He had held out a hand in the darkness, to lead them through the unknown reaches of space, and with their earned trust, he guided them unharmed.   

And yes, while his rather rash and dashing manner often turned them away from their original task, he always strived to solve the problem. And he almost always did. 

Staring across the table at the younger man, who’s regal and handsome features were highlighted by the lights of the cafeteria, Bones could sense why anyone would fall for such a being. He was a natural wooer, and by that affect, held a charm that came so easily that even Bones himself envied the talent. 

“Usually when someone stares at me for that amount of time, it means one of two things.” Kirk suddenly said, dark and steely eyes drifting from the ancient book he was reading, yellow pages held stiffly between his fingertips. “One being that I’ve offended you in some way and you’re secretly, or not so secretly in this case, plotting my death within that head of yours. Or,” he snapped the book close with a soft ‘thud’, “you’ve finally decided to bat for the other team and can’t keep your eyes off of me because you’re deciding whether or not to ask me out for dinner.” Kirk smiled that wickedly charming smile at him and Bones pressed his lips together. “So which is it, dear doctor?” 

“Neither, I’m afraid. Sorry to offend your ego.” Bones said, rolling his eyes. Kirk smiled before leaning his elbows on the table. “Well, what is it then? A man can’t go staring at other people like that and not except some kind of reaction in return.” 

“I didn’t mean to stare at you. I just got lost in thought.” 

It was Kirk’s turn to roll his eyes. 

A flash of dark red caught Bones’ attention out of the corner of his eye and both officers turned to see a young engineer standing there. 

“I’m sorry to interrupts, sirs, but there’s a message on deck for both of you.” 

“Ah, that’ll be the Admiral making sure we don’t fall behind again.” Kirk breathed a sigh before standing, sticking the book underneath his arm. The cadet eyed it for a moment, not moving, before he looked up to meet his captain’s piercing gaze. “Is there anything else, Private?” 

“N-No, sir!” He stood back, with a slight bow of his head. Kirk smirked, sending an amused look over his shoulder at his friend who shook his head. 

“Do you always have to torment those young souls? Eventually they’re going to think you’re a bratty old man.” Bones asked once they both stepped foot inside the elevator. Kirk huffed, “If I’m old then they’re babes compared to me, for starters. And secondly,” he said the command for the deck, “if I didn’t torment them then who would?” 

Bones shook his head again but couldn’t help but grin under his breath this time. “Scotty might have you covered for that.” 

“Pfft, Scotty is always like that. I, on the other hand, am like the ocean. I give them all an equal balance of push and pull. A little advice or comment here or there of encouragement, and then the next,” he snapped his fingers, “you give them the cold shoulder.” 

“Is that how you get all of your women?” The older inquired, quirking an eyebrow. Kirk’s expression was akin to a cat licking it’s fangs. 

“No, but that’s certainly a method. I could teach you if you want.” 

“No, no thank you. I think I can manage on my own.” 

Kirk shrugged, “Have it your way then.” 

The evaluator finally halted and let them off on the top level of the Enterprise. Walking down the hallway they were greeted by other crew members who smiled and made idle conversation as they passed by. 

The medical ward where Bones usually was stationed was filled with his nurses who gossiped non-stop until they saw him approaching. Instantly, they all straightened. 

“Good afternoon, Captain Kirk. Doctor McCoy.” His head nurse, Christine, greeted cheerfully as if she hadn’t been spreading rumors herself only moments before. 

“Nurse Chapel.” Kirk nodded and her smile lit up. Bones threatened another sigh. ‘Always the flirter’ he groused to himself as they continued by, walking back up the main hallway. 

“Ah, there you are Captain!” Hikaru Sulu, one of the most trusted deck members, appeared from the doors down the hall leading to the deck. “I was just about to go get you. There’s a-“ 

“Captain?” Kirk blinked for a moment, caught between two different conversations before turning around to face Christine who had followed them from the medical station. 

“Mrs. Chapel, what can I do for you?” He asked, eyebrows coming together in slight confusion as to why she would be asking _him_ something instead of Doctor McCoy. How Leonard hadn’t noticed her was beyond him. 

“Captain, this message is urgent.” Sulu pressed, pointing back towards where he had come from. “It’s alright Hikaru. Just one moment.” Kirk called over his shoulder. Bones crossed his arms over his chest. “What’s the matter Christine?” 

“I’m sorry to bother you, sirs. It’s just that…well,” she was pulling anxiously at the hem of her soft blue uniform. Kirk noted this before giving an encouraging smile. “It’s alright Christine, whatever you have to say, just say it.” 

Her starling blue eyes rose to meet his. “It’s just that…Spock hasn’t seemed himself these past couple of days.” 

“ _Hasn’t seemed himself_?” McCoy laughed rather haughtily , “And what would that entail? The man has no emotions!” 

Her anxious mannerisms continued at he jab and Kirk sent him a rather short look.

“What do you mean? He’s been acting different?” 

She nodded, blonde curls falling in her face. “Exactly. He doesn’t come out of his room any more, he’s barely eaten a thing in four days, and worse- he’s had a horrible temper. No one wants to go in to see him because of it.” 

“Why weren’t we notified of this earlier?” Kirk’s voice took on a slight edge that hinted at his irritation. “You were away on a mission yesterday, sir. And well, we all thought it would go away. But he’s never been like this.” 

The genuine concern and fear in her eyes made McCoy want to throw-up but the Captain seemed lost in thought himself for a moment, no doubt trying to think of a solution. 

“Sir, I really must insist. The Admiral-“ Sulu started in again when the door to the left of all four of them suddenly opened. Bones jumped a little, startled by the motion. 

Within the doorway stood Spock, staring at them. 

His back still facing the man, Kirk didn’t seem to have registered the other’s rather sudden appearance. Spock peered at all of them, though Christine couldn’t meet his dark gaze and instead turned to hurry back down the hallway. Seeing this, Kirk rounded and instantly beamed in his dazzling good-nature. “Speak of the devil.”

The Vulcan’s eyes narrowed. “I am not the Biblical ‘Devil’ in which you reference.” 

The yellow-uniformed officer chuckled, shaking his head. “No, of course not. It’s just an old saying we have on Earth. You don’t remember-“

“I remember everything.” Spock snapped, causing all three of the humans to blink in surprise at him.  

“I know you do, that’s why I keep you around. You keep me out of trouble.” Kirk offered, still smiling graciously despite his hidden shock at his first officer’s outburst. 

“And it’s a good thing you do. Otherwise you would have been dead by now with all of the stupid things you get yourself into.” 

Bones frowned, insulted for his friend. “Oi, that’s no way to treat-“ 

“ _Quiet you_. You don’t always need to be pestering.” Spock hissed, eyes narrowing even more at the doctor who stared at him, upset. 

“Spock,” Kirk said, voice low and commanding, smile faltering as he stepped closer. “What’s the matter with you? Why are you suddenly acting so cruel?” 

“There is nothing wrong with me. And if you don’t stop sticking your nose into my personal life _I shall break your neck_.” 

All of the crew members gasped out loud. Such hostility was almost never shown by the Vulcanian man and even then, it had never been directed at Jim. 

“Spock, what on Earth-“ Kirk was in the middle of saying, frown pulling heavily on his lips, when suddenly the officer reached forward and grabbed his forearm, pulling him close. 

James hollered, startled by the motion. His eyes widened as though he were struck by a thunderbolt. By instinct, the younger of the two instantly went to grab Spock’s hand to try and pry his fingers off of him. “You speak too much.” Spock glowered, face inches away from the Captain’s. His whole body was tense and poised in the hallway, hand still holding onto Kirk far too long and too tightly for Bones’ liking.  

“Officer Spock, let go of the Captain this instant! What’s gotten into you?” He reached forward, Sulu going with him, worry mirrored on both their faces. 

But the alien was having none of it and faced them. “ _Nothing has gotten into me._ ** _Go away._** _”_

 _“_ Aye, we’ll do that, sir. But first you have to let go.” Sulu urged, nodding towards where Kirk was pulling desperately on his forearm to make his friend let go. 

Spock looked back at this and paused for a moment before letting go. Kirk stumbled backwards, back hitting the hall as he stared at the other with a look of pure confusion and even slight…angst. “Return to your quarters, sir. I think some rest will do you some good.” Bones suggested, pointing back to the Vulcan’s room. 

Spock was still for a moment, still staring at Kirk as though he were a piece of meat, before hissing something in his native tongue under his breath and disappearing back from whence he came. 

Instantly, the two other Enterprise members rushed over to help. Kirk stood up from the wall, brushing a hand through his dark golden locks. 

“What in the hell was that, Bones?” He asked as the doctor pulled on his uniform in order to take a better look at his arm. Rolling up the sleeve, he almost gasped again when a large and quickly darkening bruise the shape of a hand appeared on James’ forearm. 

“Christ, Kirk! How tightly did he grab you?” 

The Captain wouldn’t look at them, instead he stared at the door in which his attacker had disappeared behind, eyes wide as though he were staring into some far off place. “What was that about?” Sulu asked, lifting his head. 

“I have no idea but it’s not going to happen again. I’m going to message Starcommand and tell them-“ 

“No, no!” Kirk interrupted, shaking his head. “Don’t do that.” 

Bones looked at him flabbergasted. “And why the hell not?”

“Because Spock’s obviously not in his right mind,” Kirk said, rolling his sleeve back down, “and we need to help him. So for right now, do nothing.” 

“ _Do nothing?!_ Have you lost it?! Your First Officer just attacked you in the hallway and you want to do _nothing?”_

“ _That’s exactly what I want to do._ ” Kirk said, voice turning so sharp it cut through his doctor’s haze of resentment. 

“But… _why?”_ Sulu asked as his commander straightened his uniform out, jaw set unyielding like when he was talking to enemies.

“There’s got to be a reason for his outburst and ratting on him to command isn’t going to help anything.” Kirk said, brushing past the two, shoulders set firm and straight like the elegant and kingly manner in which he had been taught. “And because he’s my friend,” he said before the doors to the deck closed, “and we’re going to get to the bottom of this.” 


	2. Why Do Things Always Happen in the Hallway?

“I honestly can’t understand him. We’ve been friends for years, he’s the closest thing I have to family, and yet just when I think I know everything about him- something happens that completely blows all opinions out of the water!” Leonard ranted, wrapping the dressings in his hand in such a tight manner Christine thought he might snap them. 

“He is a mystery, our Captain.” She said, typing in the data they needed for their medical records into the ship’s computer. 

Bones’ eyes flickered up, features twisting into a dry sneer. “Yeah, I suppose that’s why you women like him so much.” 

The nurse gave an exasperated sigh, turning in her chair. “Don’t sound so jealous. Besides, while I think the Captain is a very attractive and smart gentleman, I know to keep him at arms length.” 

“Why? Don’t want to be added to his list of women he goes through?” Bones muttered under his breath before instantly freezing, shocked by his sudden and rude response. Christine gawked at him, rather insulted he would think such a thing, not only about his dear friend but also about her. 

“ _No,_ sir. I do not.” She gritted out. “Though, if I might add, that’s not the reason I keep him at arms length.” 

Bones swallowed loudly, degrading himself. “Then what is the reason?” 

“It’s because he’s already spoken for.” 

“ _Spoken for?”_ Bones repeated, eyes fluttering at her response. “By who? Jim hasn’t been promised to anyone. Ever! ….I don’t think.” 

She smiled, twirling back around to continue her work. “That’s what you think. Granted, I’ll admit it’s nothing out in the open but, there’s someone aboard this ship that defiantly has it bad for him.” 

“And he doesn’t know?” 

Kirk _always_ knew. The man was like a magnet for all things related to lust and love and had the uncanny ability to sense it even from afar. When he had been at the academy, he had bet Bones ten marks that his friend Amira had developed a crush on him over the past year. Not believing that the stoic, straight-faced, Crzechie woman had such abilities, the doctor had agreed. It was a stupid bet, looking back on it now. He had lost ten marks because of it and it only served to further add to Kirk’s (then) rather large ego. 

She shook her head again, “Not at all. But we think it’s because it’s coming from the place he least expects.” 

“Well, who is it?! For God’s sake woman, don’t keep beating around the bush and tell who it is!” 

Christine tapped her nails on the countertop, enjoying the way her commander was pleading with her. 

“Not ‘her’, sir. It’s a ‘he’.” 

“ _A he?”_ Bones shook his head. There were almost five-hundred people on this ship, he didn’t know all of them. Yet, anyone who was close enough to fall in love with Kirk also had to be close to McCoy since they would share the same amount of time around him. 

But who in the seven rings of hell could that be? 

He tapped his chin, lost in the chaos of his thoughts. Seeing this, the nurse stood, smirking. Scotty was married, Sulu (though he was homosexual) had never showed any slight interest in the Captain, and anyone else that worked on deck were either spoken for or simply did not give in to James’ charms. So who in the world….

Bones seemed to stop in time.  

“You don’t mean to say….” his eyes bugged as he snapped around to look at his second-in-command, “you can’t possibly be insinuating that….there’s no way that-that-“

“Mister Spock, sir.” She clarified, finally saying the name out loud. 

Bones seemed to crumble at this. “But _how? When? Where did this all start?”_

She shrugged, “Couldn’t tell you. All I’ve known is that since the first year of being on this ship, that I shouldn’t take the Captain up on any of his advances in case Mr. Spock ever saw us.” 

The doctor, seemed to collapse at this, gripping onto the edge of the exam table as if it were a life-line. “But that doesn’t make sense! Vulcan don’t have emotions!” 

Christine grabbed her reports, rolling her eyes. “Yes, sir, that’s true. But you forget,” she stepped out into the hallway, “Spock is still half human.”

~~~~~~~

 

“Station report, Markkey. I want to know how soon until we land.” Kirk uncrossed his long legs over each other, leaning forward in his Captain’s chair, staring at the blue planet that was quickly approaching on the screen ahead of them. 

“E.T.A. ten-minutes, sir.” The deck hand reported, typing in the coordinates they had been given to circle the planet. 

“Good,” Kirk stood, “tell Scotty to get up to the beaming room. I want Doctor McCoy to be ready to go in five minutes.” 

He hopped the last couple of steps up to the lift, turning only when Sulu approached. “And what about Mr. Spock, sir?” 

Originally the Vulcan man was suppose to go with them to Monsun to greet the new King and royal family. But due to his more recent condition…

“Let him be. If something should come up, raise a COM link.”

“Aye, sir.” 

The doors slid open and Kirk slipped inside before anyone else could stop him. 

“Level 6.” He spoke and the elevator jutted downward to fulfill his request. 

It was quiet. 

Giving himself this brief moment in time to let his thoughts wonder, Kirk leaned against the railing near his hip. 

Spock…

His First Officer, who had slowly but surely become one of his dear friends, was obviously going through something. Rarely did he show so much emotion in one go and well, Kirk would be lying if he said he wasn’t concerned for the older man. 

This ship and it’s crew were his responsibility and it was up to him to make sure they were all safe. Anything less than his best and he’d be letting them down. At the academy they had talked about the chain of command, how the Captain was the reigning power and order on a ship that made swift and decisive plans. Usually, his calm yet commanding aura was enough to keep himself from falling into the pit better known as ‘doubt’. And yet, here he was. 

Kirk had never worried about Spock. He was reliant, truthful, smart, and harshly blunt but those were all traits to be admired when the person in charge was someone like Kirk.  

With all the of things they had been through together…Kirk’s hands tightened their grip on the railing, he wasn’t going to fail the man now simply because he was acting irregularly. 

He made a vow many years ago, when he graduated, to protect whoever decided to follow him into the unknown and his First Officer was someone he held great alliance with. 

This behavior-

The elevator stopped, whirling noise and all silencing as the doors opened. He stood for a brief time, mulling over his thoughts in silent worry, before stepping off and into the hallway only to be greeted with the sight of Bones dressed in brightly colored robes. They hung off his straight shoulders like tapestries on a wall and only served to extenuate the fact that the man, though quite fit, had little to no muscle mass. 

James couldn’t help but laugh, knowing the doctor was uncomfortable in anything that wasn’t Starfleet regulated. 

“My my, you’re certainly dressed up.” Kirk teased, crossing his arms over his broad chest. 

The other man glared at him. “I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for Sahara.” Their Chief of Cultures and Customs department often made sure that if they were visiting another species they respected their customs. And apparently the Harran’s included wearing such bright garb. 

“Yuck it up all you want, in any case- you’ll have to be wearing something like this too.” Bones growled, stiffly putting his arms at his side. 

“And I can’t wait. I’m sure it’ll really bring out the colors in my eyes.” 

The medical chief huffed a string of curses before following Kirk. 

“Are you really not going to notify Spock?” Bones asked, walking into the Captain’s quarters behind him. 

“No, I’m not. This mission is extremely delicate and if I can’t trust a crew member one-hundred percent then I’m not going to take them with us.” They rounded the corner. 

Both of the Enterprise members stopped in their tracks at the sight of the new clothes on the bed. Not only were they made out of the finest looking material either of them had ever seen, but they were also black with trims of white. 

“What’s the meaning of this?!” Bones cried, motioning at the robes before himself. Kirk let out a burst of laughter, the sound echoing in the room. 

“I have no idea. But I must say, I’m beginning to like this mission more and more.” He bent down, plucking a note that had been placed on top of everything. 

He unfolded it, seeing it was a message from Sahara. 

“According to this, people in positions of power wear dark clothes while others are dressed like yourself,” catching his attention, something sparkled amongst the sea of black and Kirk reached for it, recognizing the insignia. Holding up the pin of the Starfleet, he twisted it around in his fingers. 

“Well, can’t argue that.” Bones said to him. 

Undoing the belt around his slender waist, Kirk pulled his uniform top off, tossing the dark yellow fabric onto the bed to change back into later. 

He went to pull off the pants when Bones cursed again and turned sharply. “Christ’s sake Jim, at least give a man a warning before you start stripping!” 

“Don’t be such a prude, McCoy.” Kirk rolled his eyes, taking up the robes to start to pull on. “Besides, you’re my _doctor._ You’ve seen me naked plenty of times before.” 

“Yes, but those were for _medical reasons.”_

“Call it whatever you want.” 

Kirk pulled the soft top over his tanned shoulders, enjoying the thought of wearing something so comfortable to something so formal. Next came a tie around the center of his abdomen which was easy enough. A pair of black pants and some boots later and he was finished. “Don’t forget about this.” Bones reminded him when they went to leave, holding up the sparkling pin which he then proceeded to pin onto Kirk’s chest. 

“I’m still mad about these arrangements.” He muttered under his breath. Kirk smiled, patting him on the shoulder. “It’s a small price to pay when visiting a king.” 

“Captain Kirk? This is the transporter room. We’re all set for ya’ here.” Scotty’s voice suddenly signaled from the intercom. 

“We’re coming right now.” Kirk pulled on Bones’ shoulder, leading him out. 

“I’ll make it up to you later, how about?” 

Bones eyed him as they walked, “How?” 

Kirk shrugged, “Name your price.” 

The doctor mulled it over for a moment. “I think we’re about to get another shipment of food, correct?” 

Kirk’s gave him a slightly confused look, “Yes. Why?” 

“I want all the Scotch.” 

The Captain huffed, amused by the request. “And may I ask why this is?” 

“It’s Scotty’s favorite thing in this entire galaxy, isn’t it?” 

“I believe so.” 

“Well, that sneaky bastard still owes me from our last poker game. So until then I’m keeping the Scotch.” 

“…You’re keeping alcohol hostage?” 

“Hey, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Besides, I couldn’t put in a request for such a thing any other time. Now’s my chance.” 

Kirk shook his head. “I’ll never understand you two.” 

“You don’t have to.” Bones grinned. 

The transporter room was set to go when they got there. Both engineers stood at the ready and Scotty was waiting patiently. 

“You two look very nice.” He remarked with a teasing smirk. 

“Can-it, Scotsman.” Bones hissed, walking up the small set of stairs to the platform, pulling on his attire. 

In a more dignified manner, Kirk followed him up. “We won’t be back until much later. The Han’s have very long celebrations and with the new reinstatement of their monarchy, I get the feeling we will be there long.” Kirk said, “So in the mean time, I’m leaving Sulu in charge of the deck. If anything goes wrong- contact him.” 

“Not Mr. Spock, sir?” 

Bones glanced at the Captain who shifted on his feet. “No, Mr. Spock isn’t feeling well and isn’t to be bothered. If you need me, I’ll have my COM link open.” 

“Aye, sir. Is that all?” 

“It is. Energize.” 

The two red shirted men at the control panel tapped in a serious of different numbers and buttons and Kirk watched them before his vision exploded into brilliant shards of golden light. He exhaled, always feeling a rush by transporting. It was as if his body was taking flight and without the confines of a metal ship to keep him safe, he instead was free to roam. But this feeling was fleeting. Reality was slapped back into his face when he opened his eyes again and stared at the welcoming party from the king’s reception.

“Captain Kirk?” A woman asked, voice accented like that of native Spanish speakers back on Earth.  

He gave his most welcoming smile. “Yes, ma’am.”

She offered the same expression. “Welcome to Monsun.”  

 

~~~~

 

“I’m tellin’ you O’Neil, you bet on tha’ Arloo team this year and ya’r bound ta win.” Scotty surmised, talking to his Irish counterpart who gave him an unconvinced glance from across the table. 

“‘hat’s what ya said in the last cycle and look where ‘hat got me.” 

“Yeah but now they got that Dorthraki man who can really throw-“ 

“Bridge to Engine. Do you read?” Sulu’s voice filtered through the speakers by their desk. 

“Aye, we read you Bridge. What seems ta be the problem?” Scotty pressed down the answering button, rolling his eyes. Ever since the Captain had put Sulu in charge, the man had been calling every station none-stop asking for system checks. 

Scott looked at the clock. Ten minutes since his last call. 

“Sulu man, ya really have to calm down, yeah? There’s nothin’ to be worried about.” O’Neil cut in, propping his feet up. 

“Yes, I know,” the Japanese man started with, “but this time I actually do need one of you to come up here. Uhura got one of the panels stuck again.” 

Both men sighed, “that’s the fifth time this month!” 

“Hey, what can I tell you? She’s the one who broke the communications dock.” 

“It’s my turn to go up,” Scotty sighed, “I’ll be there in a few minutes.” 

The line went dead, leaving the head engineer with his grinning apprentice. “Have fun, sir.” 

Scott mumbled a few words about ‘stupid Irishmen’ or something of the sort before making himself presentable to go up. 

Taking the lift again, he was in the process of walking down the hall when suddenly a door opened and Spock stepped out. His usually relaxed posturer was tight and uncomfortable looking. “Ah, there ya are sir Spock. Feeling better?” Scotty asked, smiling up at him. 

“Feeling better? I was never unwell.” The alien deadpanned. 

Scotty’s smile faltered, “Oh…well, the Captain mentioned something about you not feeling that well when he left a couple of hours ago.” 

This seemed to catch the Vulcan man’s attention. “Left? Where to? Where is the Captain?” 

“I thought you knew, sir.” Scotty said, eyebrows furrowing together. “He’s down on the planet right now at the King’s reception party. He’s been down ‘here for almost nine hours now.” 

Spock’s eyes widened before narrowing back into slits. “And he’s by himself?” 

“Oh no, sir. He’s wit’ Bones.”

“So who’s running the deck?” Spock hissed. “‘hat would be Mr. Sulu, sir.” 

“ _Sulu?”_

“Aye, sir. Captain said he was in charge while he was away.” 

“ _Mr. Sulu isn’t second in command_.” 

Scott eyed him wearily, not liking the sudden anger that was radiating from him. “No, sir, he’s not. But since you weren’t feeling all ‘hat well-“

“How many times do I have to say it?! I’m **_fine.”_** Spock raged, lips pulled back in a snarl. 

Scotty backed up from him. 

It was also right at this moment that his COMs went off. “Scotty this is the Bridge. Where in the heck are you? Uhura is-“ Sulu’s nervous voice went off before the Scotsman fumbled to pick the communicator up. Reregistering this, Spock lurched forward to grab the device out of his hand. 

“Spock! What in the ‘ell are ya doing?! Let go of me!” Scotty yelled, pulling his arm away in fright. 

“You are not in command here Mr. Scott! Let go of that COMs unit or I’ll-“ Spock spat when the door down the hallway opened. Both turned to look, caught up between their fighting. 

A pair of calm, whiskey colored eyes looked back at them, widening once they realized what was happening. On Kirk’s left shoulder, he was supporting a very drunk and very weak looking Bones who barely seemed to be aware of anything going on. Instead, he lulled on his own feet, keeping most of his weight balanced on his friend. 

“Captain!” Scotty was the first to say, still pushing against the alien’s superior strength. 

Kirk looked at them both with confusion. Confusion that quickly melted into total and complete command. 

“Spock, let go of Montgomery. Right. Now.” His tone was clipped and harsh, a voice saved only for people risking the wrath of James Tiberius Kirk. 

However, the First Officer did no such thing. “You left Sulu in charge.” He said instead, reminding Scotty very much of a tattling child. 

Was that what this was all about? Was he jealous that Jim left someone else in charge? 

“Spock, I don’t ‘tink-“ Scotty started to push away again but the Vulcanian man only gripped tighter. 

“Heyyyy, ya walkin’ freezerunit lettgoa Scotti ‘tere.” Bones slurred, his head rolling back as he tried to stand on his own two feet. 

“Doctor McCoy, be quiet!” Spock seethed before Jim settled the older man onto the floor, unsure he was able to take care of him in this situation, especially when his Chief Engineer needed help. 

“Mr. Spock, I will not ask again. Let go of him.” Kirk advanced forward, physic poised for any kind of resistance. 

All three of them stared at each other in the hallway before the door opened again for Sulu with Uhura. 

“What in the world is going on here?” Uhura asked, eyebrows shooting up. 

Spock said something in his native tongue before pushing Scotty away. “Heathens, all of you! You pathetic lifeforms, you _humans.”_ He raged, backing away from them all, cheeks flushed green with anger and exertion. 

“Mr. Spock, I don’t believe you’re feeling yourself.” Kirk said, hands splayed out in a sort of peaceful manner, “You should let Nurse Ch-“ 

“ _To hell with your medical advice_! And to hell with you! Captain Kirk, not only did you reject the chain of command by putting Sulu in charge but you also-“

“This is _my ship_ Mr. Spock,” Jim cut in sharply, eyes narrowing as he moved closer, the rest still waiting in the background, ready to move the moment they detected anything that would harm their captain. Faintly, Bones groaned in the background, no doubt hating all the yelling that was going on with his massive headache. 

“and I will not be questioned about such matters. You do as _I_ say- that should be abundantly clear to you.” 

Spock’s back finally hit the wall behind him. “You are illogical! You are no better than…than…” his voice quieted. Kirk eyed him suspiciously. The man looked a little worse for wear. His skin, though normally a very ill color, was riddled with green splotches and he seemed to be having a rather hard time breathing as he talked. 

“You are no better than a worthless bastard who’s own father left him!” Spock shouted, shoulders shaking. Kirk stopped instantly, stunned by the slander. 

“How dare you speak that way to the Captain! Spock, what is the matter with you?” Uhura shrilled. Her question was indeed very valid in this moment. Kirk looked over his friend. What was wrong with him? 

“I keep telling you people, there’s nothing….” he trailed off again and this time, instead of seemingly using the time to catch his breath, his dark eyes fluttered shut and his body crumbled to the ground with a loud ‘thud’. 

“Spock!” Kirk rushed to his side, instantly going to pick him up. When he grabbed his bare wrist, he jumped at the heat the other was giving off. 

“He’s burning up! Someone COM Nurse Chapel and tell her that we’re bringing two patients up.” He bent down, scooping Spock up underneath his armpits so that he could lean against the shorter man. 

“Two, sir?” Scotty asked. 

Kirk nodded his head towards Bones, “That would be number two.” 

“What in the hell is wrong with him?” Sulu asked, face grouse. “Blame it on the King’s wine and Dr. McCoy’s lack of control around a pretty face offering him alcohol.” 

The crew members looked at each other. “Aye, sir.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All Comments and Kudos make zanzibar a very happy writer ~~~


	3. The Color Yellow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!   
> I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in a while! I've been crazy busy lately. 
> 
> And, at the same time, I was greatly affected after receiving the news of Anton Yelchin's passing. As someone who's been a long time Trekkie, I was saddened beyond belief to hear about his death. The world, as sad as it seems, often takes wonderful lives too early. 
> 
> In any case, please enjoy the next chapter! 
> 
> P.S- If you haven't seen the new Star Trek movie, I highly recommend it! Even for those who like the original series, it certainly gives a nostalgic feeling.

Craving. He had never felt it before. The hunger- the need that came with want, it was a foreign concept to Spock. 

His species had gotten rid of emotions, therefore rendering such things as ‘wants’ or ‘lusts’ useless.

He had never chased after something. There was only the logical. 

Dust danced in shimmers of low light radiating from the panels in the ceiling, sparkling until darkness consumed them. He had been released from the medical ward after Nurse Chapel cleared him for duty, finding nothing medically wrong with him. And how would she? These human scans would not detect the real problem. 

Security had sent him to his quarters. He hadn’t been called up for duty for almost three days. 

‘You are only half Vulcan,’ a tiny voice whispered in the back of his mind, ‘you are half human. A half-breed, like Captain Kirk said.’ 

Jim. 

Spock rolled over on his bed, hands gripping the sheets painfully hard. 

Their first day aboard the Enterprise together had been filled with tensions and weariness. Spock didn’t trust Jim because he was young, fresh out of the Academy, and so human which meant emotions and those didn’t click with Spock. 

But Kirk also had the right to distrust him since, in the human culture, such stoic attributes were not praised; hated even. 

They had stood in the lift, shoulder to shoulder, going up to the deck, both sneaking glances at the other. 

They were opposites. They would not work well together. And yet…

And yet here they were, years and years later, working together like a well-oiled machine. 

Over this period of time, Spock had learned to have some grace when it came to sentiments and, in return, Kirk had agreed to accept his First Officer’s bluntness at times. 

Opposites attracted. It was an old human proverb that Jim had mentioned one time and now, Spock couldn’t help but see the truth in it. 

He was attracted to his Captain and very much so. 

The feeling had sprouted three years ago when they playing chess one night alone in Jim’s quarters. Nothing was special about the night. There had been no great discoveries, not battles or enemies fought, not even a stop on a planet, just a routine float through space until they got to their next destination. 

Spock had been winning, per usual, but due to Jim’s levity, the loss wasn’t weighing down too heavily on him.   

Spock enjoyed their time together- he still does to this day- and for once found himself totally relaxed in his superior’s company. 

He had watched Jim’s calloused fingertips grasped the white chess piece and place it on the panel above. Spock had looked up, ready to move to his next attack when suddenly…his chest flared. 

At first, he had thought he was having a small stroke or heart attack of some kind. His heart was thundering making his stomach twist. Spock had never dealt with this kind of thing before and was totally taken off guard. 

But then, “What? That move stump you already? I must be getting better.” Kirk had laughed, flashing those perfect white teeth behind his perfect lips. 

Lips, Spock had realized in horror, he very desperately wanted to kiss. 

That realization that night had changed everything. 

No longer was he under the command of a rapidly growing famous Star Fleet captain that was admired by almost everyone he came into contact with. No. Now he had attachments to the man who’s warm and trusting personality was like a magnet, pulling people in. Pulling him in.  

If Jim was the sun, then Spock was Icarus; flying too close to him. 

For three years he had looked on with growing passion for his close friend. For three years he had held his tongue about his feelings. For three years, Spock had denied the very idea of ‘love’ only to end up in this situation now. 

He wasn’t a religious person by any means, but if there was something out there, then whatever deity it was had to have some kind of twisted humor to put him in this spot. 

For Spock was entering Pon Farr, a physical pain that happened every seven years. During it, Vulcan males and females become aroused and undergo a blood fever, which most of the time turns violent. They die unless they mate with someone with whom they are empathically bonded. 

Spock hated this. Not only was he unable to keep these emotions and physical reactions under control, but Pon Farr also pushed up other emotions which he did not wish to experience.  

Because he had developed such strong fixation with Jim, all of these problems were focusing on him now. A prime example of this was the other day when he grabbed his officer in the hallway. Grabbed. Touched. Vulcans were not humans. They did not interact with each other physically as the touch of another was quite sacred in their culture. It is why their greeting is kept so isolated from interactions. 

Spock had found this custom washed away rather quickly, however. Being around Jim had made him forgo a lot of traits his father had instilled within in at a very early age. Jim affirmed people through touch. A pat on the back, a hand on the elbow, a hug- all of it a habit that the Enterprise’s Captain and been taught. Centuries of humans had carved out basic elements that hadn’t been washed away by time. A physical presence, it seemed, was something they had survived on.

He squeezed his eyes shut, rolling back over on the bed, making a soft noise of embarrassment. 

How could he be so foolish?! Not only had he weakened the other crew members’ confidences in him but he had also hurt Jim. 

His heart rattled horribly in his abdomen at the memory. For the past couple of weeks, symptoms of Pon Farr had become frequent. He was irritable, snapping at almost everyone, and had rapid mood changes between blank and emotional. It was wearing down on him. 

Yesterday morning had been especially bad. He felt the need to mate almost as bad as the need to breathe. When his eyes slipped open it had been the first thing on his mind. 

And, of course, because he was thinking of mating, he obviously had to think of someone to mate with and Captain Kirk? Well, anyone would be lucky enough to have him. To a Vulcan, who’s standards were typically very high, Jim check off everything in Spock’s opinion. 

He was fit, healthy, and attractive. 

He was smart and had a level head. 

He held a position of high ranking, meaning he was a hard-worker. 

And, he was kind and gentle. Above all else, that’s what spoke to Spock. 

Bonding with someone who didn't meet those requirements made the Vulcan shiver in disgust. 

So, while this all formulated in the back of his mind, the racket outside his room had roused him enough to slip out to yell at whoever was talking so loudly. 

He had stepped out to see Jim, McCoy, and Chapel standing there, all looking as though they had been caught red-handed and Spock’s suspicious had gone through the roof. 

He had said cruel things, that he knew. But the filter between his mind and his mouth was gone and therefore every hurtful phase spilled out past his lips without his usually logical consent. 

While the doctor had been chastising him for his harmful comments, his eyes swept back to Jim who’s concerned expression was enough to overload the First Officer’s brain. 

Gone were all thoughts of composure. The only thing his mind and body seemed to want was ‘Mate’, aka- James T. Kirk. 

He had grabbed the object of his affections, body wanting to pull him close and mark him as his own but, that wasn’t going to work. 

There was his reputation to uphold and what would his father possibly think of him acting out so plainly? 

At war within himself, his emotions had gone haywire within his head.

There was also last night to think about and- dammit all! He couldn’t deal with this much longer! 

Pushing himself out of bed, Spock intended to take a walk around the ship, try and clear his head but, as soon as he moved, there was a knock at the door. 

“Mister Spock?” 

Jim. 

The First Officer stumbled backward, falling back into a sitting position on his bed, dark eyes blown wide. The amount of emotion and mental strain that had washed over him by the man’s voice was enough to cause great concern. If he acted like this without even being in the physical presence of the man, how was he going to function? 

“Spock? Are you alright?” He could hear that concern again. Why did the Captain always have to be so personal? It wasn’t- 

“Come in.” Spock forced himself to say, glad that he was able to keep his voice from wavering. 

The panel door slid open and with a pattern of yellow, the Captain of the Enterprise came in. He did not tread further into the room beyond a step or two from the door. 

His hands were clasped behind his back, posture balanced yet stern- like his facial features. 

“Have a seat, Captain.” Spock said, motioning to the chairs placed at a nearby table. When the alien moved again to rise from his seat, Jim stopped him. “I won’t be here long, Mister Spock. I just wanted to speak with you for a little bit about what happened last night. And the day before.” Jim sat down, nonetheless, and Spock remained where he was, the separation between them darkly ironic for their personal situation. 

“I apologize for my actions, Captain. I understand if you wish to court martial-“ 

Jim stopped him again. “I have no intentions of doing that. I just want an explanation.” His whiskey colored eyes searched for an answer as if the reason for Spock’s illness was present to be seen. They wouldn’t find anything. This predicament wasn’t one so easily addressed. 

Spock swallowed thickly, fingers skirting on the thin edge of the duvet he was sitting on. Feeling rather parched, he finally was allowed up from the bed and slowly crossed the room to the small sink by the window. 

Those eyes followed. “I’m waiting, Mister Spock.” 

“It is something I am not comfortable talking about, Captain.” The Vulcan said after a minute of complete and utter silence, filling a clear glass. 

He could almost feel the raised eyebrow directed towards him. 

“Is it something to do with me? Have I wronged you in some way? Because if that’s the case-“

“No.” Spock set the glass down severely and the sound rang in the room, adding another layer of tension. 

“Then what is it?” Jim asked, stressing the words with a softened volume. 

Anger flooded Spock’s veins, irritated that he was being questioned over nothing. Nothing really. 

The swing in mood made his pale hands shake and he pivoted on his heel to face the other. He sneered.

“I do not appreciate your inquiries, Captain. I have done nothing wrong. You are letting your emotions cloud your judgment.” 

Jim stood, eyes steely, marching his way to close the gap between them.

Horse shit. 

“And I do not appreciate your tone, Mister Spock. Might I remind you that you are still subordinate to me and therefore I am directing you- tell me what the hell is going on.” 

Within that span of a minute or so, between their argument starting, Spock found himself placed closer to the Captain, a breath away. He could see the flecks of gold coloring in his irises, the way his pupils were larger, a signal of his spite. 

He could see the tilt of Jim’s head, how he had to crane his neck to meet Spock’s dark eyes, and yet, there was not one single sign of hesitance. 

He could see that sun-kissed skin, an anomaly that Spock had yet to figure out yet since the Captain never turned pale despite their lack of vitamin D due to lives spent inside the vessel. 

And he could feel the heat that radiated from Jim.  

Humans were colder beings, their blood was temperatures lower than a Vulcan. However, Jim felt like a furnace burning in the small room. He was suddenly exotically appealing in that sense.   An icy chill spilled onto Spock’s skin. He sought out the heat. 

Surging forward, the First Officer grabbed the front of Jim’s uniform, instantly feeling the relief of temperature and seconds later, their lips mashed together. 

It wasn’t the typical response of affection Spock was use to, but his sudden need had him accepting more and more of Jim’s body. 

He wanted to consume. 

The Captain, however, was reacting less than favorably. The two of them stumbled backward until they hit the wall, Spock pressing him against it. 

“Spock- …What are you….Spock!” Jim was gasping when he got the chance, pushing against the other with everything he had. 

Once again, the Vulcan strength won out and nothing changed. 

The frigid feeling was slowly being melted away the more they interacted and Spock didn’t want that to stop. 

Engaging sounds of their hitched breathing and moaning filled the room, making the science officer dizzy but he did not stop- he would not. He ravished those lips he had caught himself staring at numerous times. He wanted to taste and keep on tasting the thing that had been denied to him for so long. 

“Spock! Please..I don’t…” Jim tried again, legs kicking out to try and free himself. However, it only warranted Spock to press himself closer and trap the ligaments with his own. 

Jim’s eyes were fluttering, a panic expression tearing at his features. 

And then, sudden pain. 

Spock cursed in his native tongue, ripping away from the man. With shaking hands and a look of pure shock, he reached up and touched tenderly at his lips. When he pulled his thin fingers back, he spied green blood. 

Jim had fallen against the wall, breathing heavily and wiping away the blood from his teeth and lips. 

The Captain had bitten him. 

“Mister Spock,” Jim wheezed, standing up though his legs looked unsteady under him. “You are hereby pl-pl…placed under house arrest.” His voice shook, running a hand through his honey colored hair. 

“You… are not… to leave this room without my permission.” Spock’s eyes widened, watching the adam’s apple in Jim’s throat bob up and down. “You will be on constant lock…” 

The voice faded out, becoming background noise. Spock could feel his heart beating against his insides, fueling a spate of rage to bubble up within him. How dare a human attack him! 

Straightening himself, limbs bending in a fashion not like his typical manner, he snarled, teeth flashing and eyes becoming narrowed. 

“HOW DARE YOU!” He roared, coming across the room like a man hell-bent on death. And maybe that was true. 

Everything was happening all at once- this wasn’t right! This couldn’t be happening! 

The Captain gave a shout of surprise, pushing himself away from the wall. The color yellow exploded across every plain of existence. The last thing Spock saw was the flash of fist and then, his world became black.


End file.
